in the beginning

The Struggle

Like most people, I married, with high hopes. I thought that the closeness and passion my husband Yancey and I enjoyed early on would continue throughout our marriage.

It wasn’t out of malice or a desire to hurt each other that things changed, but because we became careless with our relationship.

We stopped going out and having fun together. We lost track of what was going on in each other’s worlds and how we each felt about it.

We began focusing on each other’s faults rather than appreciating each other’s positive qualities.

It seemed like we argued about the same things over and over again, but never made any headway. Resentment started to build.

External stressors impacted our marriage and we didn’t know how to process them.

To the world at large, our relationship may have seemed healthy. We attended our kids’ events, hosted dinner parties, celebrated holidays, and went to church. We shared the same physical space but we were emotionally disconnected.

I began to feel lonely in my marriage.

the catalyst

Hitting Rock Bottom & Making A Resolution

At the time, I was doing freelance work as a corporate trainer, conflict mediator and coach.

On Thursday morning, January 8, 2003, while teaching a class out-of-town, I was told that my husband had passed away. He was only forty nine.

The sudden death of a spouse is jarring and painful. It changes everything in your world.

As I moved through grief, I reflected on the relationship I had lost - both the good and the things that had caused me pain.

I determined that I would not marry again unless and until I learned how to build the passionate, thriving marriage relationship that I wanted. And I did.

I gained the knowledge and skills I needed to build the relationship I longed for. Had I known back then what I know today, my marriage to Yancey would have been completely different. I realize now that I could have single-handedly changed my marriage had I been aware of certain key concepts and had the support I needed to develop specific skills. 

the change

What my life is like now

I have been married to my second husband, Roy, for twelve years. He is my hero, lover and best friend.

  • Give each other the freedom to be who we are.
  • Focus on the positive qualities in each other.
  • Talk about situations and behaviors that are bothering us.
  • Make requests.
  • Look for ways to say, "Yes" to each other.
  • Manage outside stressors in a way that protects our relationship.
  • Keep our sense of humor and affection even when we have difficult conversations.
  • Find compromises we can both support. 
We don't...
  • Criticize each other’s character or personality.
  • Make demands.
  • Try to change each other.

change is possible

rewrite your story

Your story may be different from my own. Your spouse may be alive and well, but you fear your relationship is dying. You may have grown emotionally distant, become lonely in your marriage, or tempted to look outside your marriage for closeness, caring and support.

Whatever your situation, change is possible. With the right tools and support, you can build an intimate, supportive, and passionate marriage.

Let me show you how.